A Daughter's Disgrace Read online

  He stood gazing around, taking in the changes. He couldn’t believe this was where he had come to ask for permission to marry Alison. He’d been nervous then but now he was seized with anxiety. Looking at Cora he could tell this was a woman driven to the edge. He had to get this right or he’d never forgive himself. He couldn’t crush Alison’s hopes.

  Even though he’d known her for so many years, he found it impossible to judge how Cora might react. She had the look of someone who was past reason and there was even a bit of him that wondered if she was going to let fly. He shook himself. Come on, he thought. She’s only small, just look how thin she’s got. She can’t harm you. Sadness overcame him, thinking of what she’d been like in her young days. Nobody who’d known her then would have recognised her now.

  ‘Oh Cora.’ He swept his arm around. ‘What’s all this? How’s it come to this?’ His eyes misted up, but he blinked the tears away. They’d do no good. All he could say was what was uppermost in his mind. He hadn’t planned it. ‘What would Jack have thought?’

  It was the best thing he could have come out with. Cora’s eyes shot up to meet his. ‘No call for that,’ she barked. ‘He ain’t here, more’s the pity, and he can’t help me now. No one can. You just take yerself off and don’t come meddling where you’re not wanted. You keep your do-gooding to yerself.’

  ‘Cora, he wouldn’t have let me do that,’ Fred persisted, sensing that this was the one way to get through to her. ‘He would have expected more of me. He was my best mate, you know that, and I can’t begin to tell you how much I owe him. I looked up to him like I’ve never looked up to anyone else before or since. So how could I leave you here? Do you really think that’s what he would have wanted? No, Cora, you’re coming home with me.’

  He could see she was struggling to take this in, almost as if she didn’t want to hear it, but all at once she crumpled, as if someone had cut her strings. ‘No, don’t ask me that,’ she whispered. She shook her head as if trying to escape the sound of his voice. She stared at the worn-out rug on the floor, her hands trembling.

  ‘Think, Cora.’ He pressed his advantage. ‘You came through all that. You never gave up. You brought his girls up on your own and did a damn good job. You kept going all those years through the war and rationing and all the rest of it. Even when there didn’t seem to be enough to go round you managed it somehow. Nobody knew how you did it, but somehow you kept them all fed and clothed and held the household together. You can’t stop now. We need you.’

  ‘No, nobody needs me,’ said Cora, glancing up again, adamant that she was right. ‘Linda doesn’t, she’s got Terry. Alison’s got you. Even the shop’s got Beryl now. And as for Hazel …’ She started to sob. ‘Hazel doesn’t need anyone now. She thought she had her man and her big wedding and all that but it did for her in the end. So I’m finished. I’ve had enough. I tell you, Fred, I’m tired of it all. Struggling to make ends meet for all those years and for what? So my eldest can think I’m not good enough, my youngest can manage very well without me and my beautiful Hazel can get killed by that useless man of hers. What’s the point?’

  ‘Come on, Cora, you can’t think like that.’ Fred moved across and put his hand on her shoulder. ‘We all miss Hazel. It’s terrible. But we do need you. We want your help.’

  ‘What help can I be? Just look at me.’ Cora wiped her eyes, clearly unable to believe that such a thing would be possible. ‘I don’t have the strength to squash a fly, Fred. I used to heave around those big tubs of laundry and now I can hardly get up the stairs. My back and my hands give me gyp all day long. I don’t want no more of this, I really don’t.’

  ‘Then come and stay with us,’ said Fred. ‘No wonder you get arthritis in a place like this. It’s damp enough to grow mushrooms. We got nice fires, it’s warm as toast. You’d get proper food – you know what a good cook I am.’ He tried to force a smile. ‘We’d love you to come. We need your help with David. We think he’s teething already and he needs someone there all the time, but it takes two of us to run the shop. Would you help us?’

  Cora said nothing.

  ‘Is it leaving this house that’s bothering you?’ he asked. ‘Is it because this is where Hazel used to live?’

  Cora snorted. ‘You been listening to Linda and Alison? I know I said some stupid stuff when she died. I thought I’d feel her here, but it’s not true. She’s not here, she’s gone, I know that now. It’s worse. And having that house opposite, I can’t bear to look out.’

  ‘Ah, Cora.’ Fred sat back. ‘It’s hard, isn’t it? But we can’t leave you here. Come back with me and live with us. We’re at the end of our tether trying to think what to do with David. We don’t want some stranger looking after him, he’s too precious. You know all about babies. He needs his granny.’

  She looked at him doubtfully.

  ‘Come on, Cora. You’ve raised three children and helped with a granddaughter. What do me and Alison know about bringing up a baby, especially when he starts getting difficult? What chance have I ever had to get to look after a baby before? Been too busy running the shop all hours of the day and night. And Alison, well, it’s only natural she gets tired. And being the youngest herself, she never had no sisters to practise on, did she?’

  ‘Should hope not,’ growled Cora. ‘Didn’t want no more after her, that’s for sure. And you being a man, Fred, I don’t blame you for not knowing which end of a baby is which, it’s not your place.’

  ‘Well, then.’ He rubbed his hands over his face. ‘You can see the pickle we’re in. Fact is, David needs you. Your grandson needs you.’

  Cora finally softened. ‘Does he? Well, maybe, Fred.’ She cast her eyes around the sorry state of her onceimmaculate room. She seemed to become a little taller as her resolve grew. ‘I could maybe help you out. They don’t want me here anyway. I’m not paying that cheat of a landlord a penny more. That’s a waste of good money.’

  Fred perked up. If Cora was starting to talk about waste, it was a sure sign she was more like her old self.

  ‘Would you come with me now, Cora? When I left he was screaming his lungs out, and there was Alison trying to cook, and then we got to do the accounts before we open up tomorrow. We don’t have enough pairs of hands, that’s the truth.’ He held his breath. She was holding herself straighter and her expression had lost its wild edge. He knew he had to go carefully. If she didn’t agree now, he couldn’t guarantee that she’d feel the same in the morning. He had to strike while the iron was hot. He’d keep it practical, avoid any more appeals to her dead husband’s memory. ‘Do you need me to pack anything for you?’

  ‘What, let a man handle my underwear? Wash your mouth out, Fred Chapman.’ Now she’d made the decision Cora suddenly grew lively. ‘No, I got a bag of clean stuff what Alison brought back yesterday.’ She looked around. ‘Most of this furniture is a load of rubbish. Not like all that new modern business that you got.’ She got to her feet. ‘No time like the present. I’ll make sure the gas is turned off and we can go.’

  Fred picked up the laundry bag and held open the front door for her, locking it behind them. ‘Wait here, Cora, I’ll get the car.’

  ‘Nonsense, Fred.’ She slapped his arm. ‘I can walk that far. Not dead yet, you know.’

  Chapter Forty-Two

  It took a while for everyone to settle in to the new living arrangements. Alison was relieved to see that her mother was safe, but a lifetime of them not getting along could not be put right overnight. Cora was still offhand with her or downright rude about Vera after she made one of her regular visits. What made it easier was the way David loved having his grandmother there. He gurgled when she looked over the bars of his cot and cooed when he heard her voice. He allowed her to comfort him when his new teeth hurt and sucked happily on a plastic ring that Cora recommended. ‘He has to have something to bite on,’ she said. ‘An old spoon will do, you don’t have to go spending on something special.’ But Fred was adamant and bought the ring from Peter Jones. />
  More and more it made Fred remember the way he’d put up with his own mother for so long, and he knew he’d lost some of the best years of his life by not sorting that out. He didn’t want another case of history repeating itself. He was relieved that Cora and Alison seemed to be edging their way to a better understanding, and knew he had to give them time. Besides, his mother had been a domineering bully and he knew Cora had a different side to her. When she was with David she was like another person. How sad she hadn’t been like that when Alison was little and needed her. He knew how Jack’s death had knocked her for six and she never really got over it, taking the easy way out and blaming her innocent daughter for all the hardships that followed. He could only hope that she’d come to see how Alison had changed, how she’d blossomed now that she was loved and respected, and had become a loving mother herself. He made sure he praised his wife as much as possible in her mother’s hearing and trusted the message might begin to get through.

  Alison thought she noticed some shift in her mother’s attitude but couldn’t be certain. She was so used to dismissive comments that she didn’t expect her mother to treat her any other way. So when she began to try David on solid food, mashing up carrots and attempting to get him to eat it, she couldn’t quite believe her mother’s reaction.

  Cora stood watching them from the kitchen door. ‘Not bad,’ she said, nodding her head.

  Alison waited for the barb that inevitably followed. None came.

  ‘He likes it, don’t he?’ Cora went on. ‘Knows what’s good for him. Help him see in the dark, that will. Here, you don’t want to be getting your blouse dirty if you got to go down to the shop. Let me do it. Mummy’s got to go to work, hasn’t she? Clever Mummy gave you some nice orange dinner before running her shop. You’d like your granny to give you some more carrots, wouldn’t you?’

  David bashed his hand in the food in reply, happily kicking his legs.

  ‘All right, thanks,’ said Alison, not quite believing it could be that easy or that her mother had said something good about her. She wiped her gooey hands on a tea towel and stood back as Cora took the baby on her knee, not seeming to mind the mess that was flying everywhere. This arrangement might work after all, she thought with relief – and it meant she could be of more use to Fred as well if she could count on Cora at a moment’s notice in this way.

  News came from Kent towards the middle of June that Linda had finally been allowed home from hospital. Cora was delighted that Terry had arranged for a telephone to be installed in their house so they could talk whenever they wanted. That meant she was first to know when the new baby, a boy this time, arrived, none the worse for what his mother had been through while carrying him. ‘He’s gorgeous, Mum,’ Linda said. ‘And his big sister is over the moon. She chose his name: he’s going to be Tommy. Thomas Terrance Owens. I’d love to have you down to see him but we’re bursting at the seams now. When he’s a little bit older we’ll bring him up to see you.’

  ‘You do that,’ said Cora. It would be nice to see them all. She made a face as she remembered telling Linda not to bring June round last time. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

  The other big news was that the date of Neville’s trial was announced and he intended to plead guilty to stabbing Hazel, even though that hadn’t been the cause of her death. Frank had come forward to testify that the lad hadn’t been in his right mind that night, having been wound up by a colleague and having suffered at the hands of his wife over the course of many months, as well as that same evening. Dennis had somehow retained enough memory to back Frank up on this. Bill hadn’t been able to recall much about the evening, other than to feel he’d somehow let his friend down by not realising how badly Hazel had been treating him. It was all too little, too late. At least it meant Neville was spared the death penalty but it looked as if he’d spend years in prison.

  Marian was able to pass on this news when she saw Alison in the shop. She was a little hesitant to start with, not knowing if any word of Neville would be welcome. Alison assured her that she’d rather know than be kept in the dark. ‘We didn’t even know for sure where he was,’ she told the kindly older woman. ‘Even though he did what he did we can’t pretend he doesn’t exist. We’d be grateful if you passed on any news.’

  ‘Well, he’s being held in Brixton prison,’ Marian said, hefting her bulging shopping bag. ‘It’s not too bad there, I heard. At least he’s nearby – his family can visit. You won’t be going there, I take it?’

  Alison shook her head. Knowing where he was, was one thing. She thought it best to leave it at that.

  Alison was quietly relieved that he’d had the grace to plead guilty, the more so because Vera didn’t have to give a statement. ‘I wish I’d acted sooner though,’ Vera said one sunny day when the young women were sitting out in the backyard, now divided into two sections by a row of potted plants. Alison was trying her hand at nasturtiums, mainly because David loved the colour. ‘I mean, I knew she must have been hitting him. He was such a happy-go-lucky bloke – he must have been pushed that bit too far.’

  ‘Come off it, if you’d tried to say anything everyone would have got the wrong end of the stick and come down on you like a ton of bricks,’ Alison said. ‘At least you listened to him. Like you listened to me.’ She shook her head, chasing away the vision of the cheerful young man who’d been her brother-in-law, and changed the subject. ‘So what do you think of my idea? Are you going to say yes?’

  ‘Of course I’m going to say yes,’ said Vera, adjusting the straps on her tightly belted sundress. She was being careful of sunburn marks this year. ‘Look, I must be going, I’ve got a new date, and before you ask, no, you don’t know him. Let me know what they say.’

  She ran out of the back gate as fast as she could on her high heels, just as Cora and the baby emerged from the storeroom door.

  ‘Look who it is. Mummy’s looking after your flowers.’ Cora lifted David round so the sun didn’t shine full in his face. ‘You done a good job there, my girl.’

  Alison raised her head at the compliment from her mother. She still wasn’t used to her praise but she was beginning to feel less on her guard. ‘Th … thanks,’ she managed. ‘Well, they’re pretty easy, you just remember to water them and pick off the dead heads, and they do the rest themselves. He really likes them, look how he’s reaching for them.’

  Cora shifted slightly. ‘That wasn’t what I meant.’ She glanced at her feet in their comfy old sandals. ‘Look, I’m not one for being soppy but I just wanted to say sorry. I can see what a good mum you are and you didn’t have no example to follow from me. I wish things had been different, but times was hard. Now you’re giving me a home and maybe I don’t deserve it. I might not say so very often but I can see how far you’ve come.’

  Alison didn’t know what to say. She cleared her throat and looked away. But then she realised she couldn’t let the moment pass. ‘The thing is,’ she began slowly, trying to choose her words carefully, ‘now I’ve had David I know how hard it can be trying to work and look after him, and I’m one of the lucky ones.’ She had to stop to swallow hard as a lump was forming in her throat. She’d never thought she’d hear her mother say those words. Somehow she made herself continue. ‘We’ve got a big flat, there’s no war on so we can buy what we want when we need it, and most of all I’ve got Fred.’ She turned at the sound of footsteps. ‘Here he is now.’

  Cora nodded. ‘You got a diamond there. Who’d have thought it?’

  ‘What have I been missing?’ Fred demanded, coming over to ruffle the top of David’s head in its small sun hat. ‘Talking about me behind my back, were you?’

  Alison caught his eye and grinned. ‘Something like that. We had something to tell Mum, didn’t we? Might as well get it all over in one go, don’t you think? That all right with you, Fred?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Fred, shielding his eyes to gaze at his wife. Nobody would have dreamt she’d ever been called horse face. Her hair was beautifu
lly cut, her hunched back was gone, her sundress was elegant. She might not be pretty but she had grown into a striking young woman. He still couldn’t believe his luck, and things were set to get even better.

  ‘Two things, then,’ she said. ‘We want to get David christened at St Mary’s. Fred and I have always liked it there.’ She paused, but didn’t explain why that particular church was so special. ‘I’ve asked Vera to be godmother. No, don’t say anything, I know how you feel about her but she’s my closest friend and without her, David might not be here. Second thing. David’s going to have a little brother or sister in the New Year. What do you think of that?’

  Cora’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. Somehow she’d still hung on to the idea of this marriage as one of convenience, even though she’d seen how they were around each other. But she couldn’t forget that old image of the beanpole girl with the fat balding man. Now she took in the pair before her – the elegant young woman and the man, admittedly much shorter, but much slimmer now, with his big smile and kind face – and realised that all her ideas about them were wrong. For all those years she’d ignored her youngest daughter, mistreated her, sniped at her and belittled her to all and sundry, when in fact she was a fine and caring young woman. Now she could finally admit to herself that she was indeed like her father, not in looks but in her manner and her attitude to life. She’d always thought Linda was her most reliable daughter, but her eldest hadn’t rushed to intervene in her hour of need. Her friends hadn’t made the effort to get through to her when she’d been shut in her house, unable to face the world. It had taken Alison and Fred to do that. What a remarkable couple they’d turned out to be. Who’d have thought it?

  ‘One more thing,’ said Fred. ‘We thought if it’s a boy we’d like to call him Jack. Would that be all right with you, Cora?’