A Sister's Sorrow Read online

  Annie took a large swig of the beer and belched loudly. A short, balding man who was standing next to her offered a smile. ‘Bloody rotten, this ale. I think Cyril needs to give his pipes a good clean,’ he said with a chuckle.

  Annie eyed him up and down. He looked well fed, with a paunchy stomach, and he had a good pair of shoes on, not like the other men in the bar with their work boots and braces. She noted his hands and clean finger nails. He couldn’t be a manual worker, and she guessed he probably had a few quid in his pocket.

  ‘Yeah, you’re right there. I should stick to the gin,’ she replied. ‘I’m Annie. I don’t think I’ve seen you in here before?’

  ‘Philip,’ the man answered. ‘I don’t get out much these days, but many moons ago, Cyril and I used to be in the army together.’

  ‘Philip, you say, like the Prince? Oh, I say, pleasure to meet you,’ Annie said, trying her best to be charming as she gave a mock curtsey.

  ‘Ha, yes, that’s right, though I’m no prince.’

  ‘Well, you look pretty dapper compared to the blokes in here,’ Annie said with a seductive smile.

  ‘Thank you. It’s been a long time since anyone has flattered me so I think that deserves a drink. Cyril, I’ll have another, and I think this young lady would like a large gin, if I’m not mistaken?’

  ‘Lady, blimey! You ain’t no prince and I ain’t no lady, but I like the “young” bit!’

  ‘Well, you’re a lady tonight,’ Philip said and clinked his glass against Annie’s.

  ‘So why don’t you get out much?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s the wife. She’s ill, bedridden in fact, so I spend a lot of time looking after her.’

  ‘Oh, I see. I bet it’s been a while since you’ve had a bit of fun then?’ Annie asked as pound signs flashed in front of her eyes.

  Philip looked a bit taken aback and laughed before he answered. ‘I suppose it has.’

  ‘Don’t be shy with me, Philip. I’m a broad-minded lady and for the right price, I could show you a good time.’

  Cyril leaned over the bar and said quietly, ‘Oi, I’ll have none of that in here, Annie. I’ve warned you about it before. Either stop touting for business or sling your hook.’

  Philip intervened, saying equally quietly, ‘Don’t be like that, Cyril. Annie seems like a lovely lady and was only offering to keep me company.’

  ‘If you say so,’ Cyril answered cynically, ‘but if there’s any funny business going on, I’d prefer it not to be under my roof.’

  ‘Tell you what, Philip, how about we go back to my place,’ Annie offered, loud enough for Cyril to hear. ‘It ain’t posh, far from it, but it’ll stop that nosy bugger sticking his beak in.’

  ‘I think that’s a smashing idea. Lead the way,’ Philip replied, and then gave Cyril a wink.

  Once outside, Annie took Philip’s hand and almost dragged him across the road towards the tenement blocks. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and in the dim light she said, ‘This is gonna cost you, and I want the money up front.’

  ‘How much?’ Philip asked, his voice husky.

  ‘Call it a quid and I’ll make sure you have the time of your life.’

  Philip took the note from a wad in his pocket and handed Annie the money. ‘How about we do it here?’ he urged as he pushed himself against her.

  ‘No, someone might see us.’

  Annie took Philip’s hand again and led him up the stairs. As they got to the top, she noticed he was panting for breath. ‘You all right?’ she asked. ‘’Cos if you ain’t up to a bit of how’s your father, I’m warning you now that I don’t do refunds.’

  ‘Don’t you worry about me, I’ll be fine.’

  Annie wasn’t convinced as she could see Philip was perspiring profusely, but the man followed her into the flat. She took off her coat and scowled at her daughter, saying, ‘Go on, bugger off for an hour and take the brat with you.’

  Sarah was sitting cross-legged on her mattress with Tommy beside her, and instead of doing what she was told, she pulled her blanket closer. ‘But, Mum, it’s dark and cold outside, and Tommy’s asleep. Where are we supposed to go?’

  ‘That ain’t my problem. Just clear off, will ya!’ Annie snapped, her temper rising at her daughter’s stupid question.

  ‘Hang on a minute, Annie, you can’t expect the girl to wander the streets in this weather. It’s starting to rain,’ Philip said as he eyed Sarah.

  ‘Oh, yeah, so you want an audience, do you?’ Annie asked.

  ‘No … Look, I’m having second thoughts. I don’t think this is such a good idea,’ he said. ‘Maybe we should call it a night?’

  ‘That’s up to you, but like I told you downstairs, I don’t do refunds.’

  ‘Fine, keep my money. It looks like you need it,’ the man said as he made a hasty retreat for the door. ‘You dirty cow!’

  The door slammed shut behind Philip, and Annie laughed. ‘That was the easiest quid I’ve ever made.’

  ‘It’s not funny, Mum. I wish you wouldn’t bring all these men back here.’

  Annie’s face hardened as she glared at her daughter. ‘Do you now? Well, let me tell you something – if it wasn’t for me selling myself, you’d be on the streets, you and that brother of yours. So if I was you, I’d keep me mouth shut and stop bloody complaining!’

  Annie slumped onto one of the kitchen chairs, angry with Sarah and thinking what a blinking cheek the girl had. She knew she wasn’t a great mother but her daughter didn’t know the half of it! She’d always provided a roof over her head and protected her from stinking, rotten men. In the past, she’d had some of her customers wanting Sarah too, but Annie had always denied them. She didn’t care much for her children, but she wouldn’t allow her daughter to have the same haunting memories she’d carried throughout her own life. The girl was lucky, thought Annie, and she shuddered at the recollection of her so-called father lying on top of her.

  She walked over to the sink and grabbed the jug of beer before sitting at the table and downing a cupful. The smooth liquid calmed her, and after another cupful, the room became blurry. She looked at her daughter. The girl was pretty, like she’d once been before years of drinking had ravaged her. She thought Sarah could have a better life than she’d had, but first she’d need to impart some of her wisdom.

  Sarah was horrified by her mother’s attitude, but wasn’t surprised. She was used to men coming and going at all times of the day and night. Mostly, her mother would give her the nod and she’d wait outside in the corridor. Sometimes, Annie would bring a man home when Sarah was in bed, so she’d pretend to be asleep and plug her ears with her fingers to block out the horrid grunts and noises.

  ‘Sarah, get yourself over here, and cheer up. You’ve got a face like a smacked arse,’ Annie said as she poured a cup of beer from the jug. ‘’Ere, get this down your neck, and don’t say I never give you nothing.’

  Sarah was astounded. Her mother’s beer was so precious to her and she’d never shared it before. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she said as she took a swig of the alcohol. It didn’t taste anything like Sarah was expecting, and she grimaced, the bitterness almost making her gag. She couldn’t understand why her mother enjoyed it so much.

  ‘Give it back if you don’t bloody like it,’ her mum said, snatching the cup from her hand. She then heaved a sigh. ‘I know you think I’m a bad mother, and, well, I admit I could have done more for you, but you don’t know what it’s been like for me. I don’t want you having the same shitty life I’ve had, so I want you to promise me one thing …’

  Sarah stared wide-eyed at her mother. She had never sat her down and spoken to her before, not like this, without yelling or criticising her. She quickly nodded her head, wondering what her mum would make her promise to do.

  ‘Sarah, you’re all grown up now, and you’ll be having men after you soon. I’m telling you, don’t trust any of them! They’re all pigs, the bloody lot of them. Stay away from them, but, most of all, keep your legs sh
ut.’

  Sarah blinked hard. She knew what her mother meant about her legs, but if that’s how her mum felt, why did she so readily have sex with all and sundry? She daren’t ask. ‘OK, I promise,’ Sarah replied, and tried to smile at her mother.

  ‘Good, now get out of my sight, and don’t you ever show me up like that in front of a bloke again!’

  Sarah scampered back to her mattress, almost relieved to hear her mum scolding her again as she’d found that little chat unnerving. She snuggled in close to Tommy and pulled the thin blanket up under her chin.

  Thoughts of Mr Sayers floated through her mind, and a tear dropped from her eye. It was hard to accept that she’d never see him again. She’d miss him, and the fruit and vegetables he supplied. She’d have to get her thinking cap on, or she and Tommy would be going hungry.

  Chapter 6

  Four years later

  February 1953

  ‘Tommy, pick your feet up or you’ll wear your shoes out,’ Sarah said to her brother. She glanced behind to see Tommy reluctantly trudging along the pavement and dragging his shoes as he did so.

  ‘But they’re already worn out. I’ve got a hole in the bottom,’ Tommy replied in a whiny voice.

  ‘Well, there’s no need to make them any worse. Anyhow, with that cardboard I patched them up with, they’ll be good for months yet. Come on, get a move on, we’ll be home soon.’

  Sarah’s basket had been full this morning, but now, as dusk drew in, she was pleased to see it was empty and all her kindling sold. It had been a good day’s work, and she was looking forward to getting home and resting her aching legs.

  ‘I’m hungry,’ Tommy moaned, coughing chestily.

  ‘I know you are, love, but we haven’t got much further to go,’ Sarah said, trying to placate the child. It wasn’t much fun for him, in the cold February winds, wearing short trousers and having to traipse the streets with her as she went door to door hoping to get a ha’penny for her bits of wood for the fire. She worried about his chest, as the boy suffered with coughs that rattled his small body.

  ‘You said that ages ago …’ Tommy moaned again and huffed.

  Sarah fished in her coat pocket and pulled out a shiny coin.

  ‘See this, Tommy?’ she asked and held it out. ‘If you’re a good boy and stop complaining, I’ll give it to you at the end of the week and you can buy whatever you like with it.’

  Sarah smiled as she saw Tommy’s blue eyes widen with delight. ‘Really? Will you take me to the sweet shop? Can I buy some cough candy?’

  ‘I haven’t got any sweet coupons, but I’ll take you to Woolworth’s on Saturday and you can have ice-cream, but only if you behave yourself, mind.’

  Tommy skipped up to walk alongside her. ‘I’ll carry your basket tomorrow, Sarah,’ he said, then ran on a few feet ahead.

  He’s such a good boy, she thought, and was glad that he’d soon be going to school so she wouldn’t have to drag him around with her. He’d also get a proper meal at school, something she wasn’t able to ensure he got daily, though she tried her best. February was chilly so Sarah found her kindling was still in good demand. Soon, though, the weather would turn, and during the warmer summer months she’d pick wild flowers and make little posies to sell in the High Street. She’d got the idea from a gypsy lady she’d once seen selling tiny bouquets of lavender. It didn’t make her a fortune, but it paid enough for her to provide basic nourishment for Tommy. The wind was beginning to whip up, so Sarah quickened her pace. ‘I’ll race you home,’ she said to Tommy as she passed him on the pavement.

  ‘It’s not fair, wait for me,’ Tommy called, ‘you’ve got taller legs than me.’

  Sarah panted, waiting for Tommy to catch her up. She couldn’t help giggling at the silly faces he began to pull at her. He was such a joy, and she loved him as if he were her own son.

  Annie was cold and fed up with hanging about outside the pub. She’d been standing on the corner for nearly two hours, yet hadn’t received even so much as an enquiry. She loathed touting herself on the streets, but had been forced to as business had been slow lately. It had been a while since she’d seen three of her usual punters and she was really feeling the effect of the pinch in her purse.

  ‘All right, Annie,’ a voice said.

  Annie spun round to see Eddy hopping from foot to foot with his hands stuffed deeply into his donkey jacket. Though he was about the same age as Annie, his face was deeply lined, and his salt-and-pepper hair had receded.

  ‘Hello, stranger. Where have you been lately? You ain’t been round to see me for ages,’ Annie said. She kept her voice sweet in the hope of winning back one of her long-time regulars.

  ‘Yeah, sorry ’bout that, you know how it is.’

  ‘No, actually, I don’t, Eddy, so why don’t you enlighten me?’

  Eddy hunched his shoulders, and Annie decided he looked shifty. He was hiding something, and she intended to find out what.

  ‘I’ve been … busy,’ Eddy answered, but Annie thought he still looked very uncomfortable with the conversation.

  ‘Too busy to come and see me for half an hour?’

  ‘I’ve been meaning to … I will come and see you.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘I … I dunno. Soon.’

  ‘This ain’t good enough, Eddy Sterling. We’ve been friends for years and I know when you’re up to something … Come on, spill the beans,’ Annie said sternly, placing her hands on her hips.

  ‘It’s … I don’t want you getting annoyed or nothing … but … I’ve been seeing someone else.’

  ‘What do you mean, seeing someone else? Who?’

  ‘Her name’s Cathy … she lives down Bullen Street. I saw Jerry coming out of there the other day too, seems she’s onto a good little earner there.’

  Annie bit her lip as her mind turned. That explained a lot. Jerry was one of her regulars whom she hadn’t seen lately. ‘Well, thanks for the loyalty, Eddy. I’ve been sorting you out for bloody years and expected a bit better from you! She must be some looker – I mean, you’ve had your head turned quick enough! So what’s this Cathy got that I ain’t, eh? What does she do for you that I don’t?’

  ‘See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d act like this.’

  ‘What do you expect?… I’m bloody fuming! This Cathy tart has pinched some of my best blokes, you included. Why do you think I’m stood out here freezing my tits off! I’ve a good mind to go round there and rip her blinking head off!’

  ‘I wouldn’t do that, Annie. She’s got someone looking after her, and I don’t think he’d be too pleased with you interfering in their business.’

  ‘So I’m just supposed to stand back and let them nick all my customers? It ain’t on, Eddy. I’ve got mouths to feed and I need to put a roof over my kids’ heads. I can’t afford to lose the business. What’s so bloody special about her anyway?’

  Annie glared at Eddy as his mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.

  ‘Well, tell me! You obviously prefer her to me, so …’

  ‘She’s a lot younger than you, Annie … and, well, pretty. Her gaff is nice too … she’s got a proper double bed, and it’s … clean.’

  Annie gritted her teeth. Her blood was boiling. She quickly pulled her arm back, swung it at Eddy and slapped him hard across his face. ‘You’ve never bloody well complained before! How dare you insult me! You want to take a look at yourself, you ain’t no oil painting … You’re welcome to her. Don’t you ever come near my place again!’

  Annie saw Eddy rub his red cheek before she spun on her heel and marched towards home. She was too wound up to do any business now, but at least she had a bit of gin waiting for her indoors.

  Sarah closed the front door behind her and Tommy, then flopped down on the newly acquired but stained second-hand sofa, courtesy of one of her mother’s customers who was a bin man. ‘I’m bushed!’ she said to Tommy.

  ‘Me too,’ Tommy replied as he sat next to Sarah. ‘Wh
ere’s Mum?’

  ‘I don’t know, love, but best you get yourself quickly washed and ready for bed before she gets home.’

  Tommy tilted his head to one side and screwed his pale face up before asking, ‘Why is Mummy always so horrible? I try really hard to be a good boy, but she always shouts and says bad things to me and you.’

  Sarah gulped hard. She’d been dreading this day. She’d hoped Tommy hadn’t noticed their mother’s spiteful tongue, but he was more than four years old; it was apparent he had, and she’d have to find the answers to some very difficult questions. ‘I don’t know, Tommy, it’s just the way she is. Some people are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, others are made of sharp bits of glass.’

  ‘I don’t like her. She’s all right sometimes when she’s quiet, but when she drinks that stuff that smells funny, she’s loud and nasty. Do you like her, Sarah?’

  ‘She’s our mum, Tommy. You shouldn’t say things like that about her. If it wasn’t for her, you and me would be in a children’s home or on the streets. She can’t help being the way she is. She’s ill, and the gin, the stuff that smells funny, she has to have it to make her better.’

  ‘But if the gin makes her better, why does she get horribler when she drinks it?’

  Sarah could see Tommy’s bottom lip beginning to quiver. It broke her heart to see the child so upset. ‘She doesn’t mean most of the stuff she says. You’ve got to learn to do what I do … ignore it. Just let all her words go in one ear and come out the other. Don’t keep them in your head and then they can’t hurt you.’

  Tommy nodded, and Sarah was thankful that the boy seemed satisfied with her answer for now. ‘Right, now hurry up, get yourself ready for bed,’ she urged.

  Tommy scampered off to wash at the kitchen sink while Sarah rested her head back. I’ll just have five minutes before I get his tea ready, she thought, closing her eyes.

  ‘You wicked little brat! How dare you!’